The past couple of days I was absolutely brimming with emotions. One second, I would be glad and optimistic that everything I have been working toward is finally about to be realized, that I will now experience a closure of sorts and be able to see people again. The next, I would be down on the ground (quite literally rolling around on the floor of my house) grunting in desperate frustration, asking myself why the hell I put myself through this, why I chose this career path, why I am not smarter, why I can’t achieve better results, why the MCAT is such a bitch, etc.
BUT through all of this, the many months of preparation for the MCAT as well as the years of taking the necessary steps to pursue a career in medicine, I have experienced the true and everlasting unconditional love of God (huh? yeah). Like the prodigal son, I have rebelled willingly and adamantly many times: flirting with death for some time only to return to the Father’s midst sheepishly and mildly repentantly. I have experienced acceptance and encouragement each time, through the love of my friends at church and through the faith of my most inspiring heroes (e.g. Dad, some other dudes and lady friends). When I didn’t/couldn’t believe in myself, they believed in me. Because of their love, reflecting God’s love for us, I could breathe again and smile a little brighter.
I have no doubt that I will perform well tomorrow. I have much faith, not because I have been performing well on practice exams (I really haven’t) but because I know God is going to pull through. If God is for me, who can ever dare be against me? I am going to wreak total mayhem upon this disfigured monster of an exam and come out on top. All glory be to God.
Thus concludes my spontaneous largely incoherent spiritual/emotional rant I started writing because I couldn’t fall asleep. Exam in less than nine, waking up at 5:30. Good night.